I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
