fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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