im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
