Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
