I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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