so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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