just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
