I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize