I think I am morally bankrupt
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
