Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize