remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize