I want to make a zoo with you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
