Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
