my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
