she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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