soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
