he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
