I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
