i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
