You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize