Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize