Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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