You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
