I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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