When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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