eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
