1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it's like heaven, but drunker
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
