Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
