is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
