I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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