You're a womanizer and a bitch.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
