no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
