her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize