Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
