Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
