I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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