i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
