I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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