I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
