If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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