Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
