Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
