I look better un-naked...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
