We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize