i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My cat gives me a boner
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
