Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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