The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
they need to just BURY HIM!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
