why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
