I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
