your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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