Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
