you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's blow job season.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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