I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
