is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
