I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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