So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
