the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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