so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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