fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
