i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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