Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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