I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
