May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize