Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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