mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
