I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
