i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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