After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
