barbara walters just said penis...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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