I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
